As parents we anticipated the day when our kids would inform us that they found their future wife or husband. With some of us the news can bring feelings of great joy, while with others the news may leave us with mixed emotions. After all, the initial thought of ‘loosing’ ones child to another can leave you feeling like someone landed a perfect blow to the gut. This is even after we remind ourselves that we are gaining a new family member.
Our eldest son, Braden, came to me last September and informed me that he was interested in a girl and asked my advice as to how he should proceed. I have to admit that I was not shocked as you might think, as my wife and I had laid down the ground work for just this type of event years before. Brady, as with all our children has been taught to honor God in all things, including the protection of one’s innocence outside of marriage. So as soon as he came to the realization that God was bringing this wonderful girl into his life, it was a natural response to let me know and ask for my permission to proceed.
Here is where if you were standing in front of me, I would get a blank stare. We had trained up our children to expect that when they entered into any romantic relationship outside of marriage, that they would follow Biblical Courtship rules. Our American society has taught us to chuckle at such an outdated term as courtship and while many of you would give me a blank stare as I tried to explain the concept, you would readily admit that the American system of dating, romance and entering into a relationship has been disastrous for most people.
The whole business of romance outside of marriage puts many of us on all sides and on top of the fence. I think it would clarify why this subject needs to be explored, if you could ask yourself this question, “Would I allow the prospective suitor to carry on in the same manner with my wife or young children?” American culture trains us to accept the loss of innocence in our children when they are exploring the possibility of a romantic relationship. Why do we allow activities outside of marriage that scripture has spoken out so strongly against?
The following is by Brian Schwertley. “Today’s recreational dating is unbiblical because it tempts the parties involved to commit sexual immorality. Because of our sinful natures and because of natural sexual appetites believers should never place themselves in situations that can cause temptation and sin. Believers cannot trust themselves to be alone with an attractive person of the opposite sex especially when that person has a commitment and strong emotional attachment to the one they are with. "Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body." (1 Cor. 6:18). "For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality; that each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor, not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God; that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the Lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified. For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness (1 Th. 4:3-7).”
We all know when it begins, but where does innocence stop? Innocence ceases to exist when the relationship moves beyond moral boundaries. If the intent of the boy friend or girl friend is not marriage, then how innocent is holding hands or kissing, if it is just steps in rounding the bases? It is a God given mandate for us fathers to protect the innocence of our children. It is quite clear that we are to help our children pass from innocence to marriage through a process that is often referred to as ‘biblical courtship.’ In doing so, we insure our children pass through this wonderful time in their lives with their hearts and innocence still intact. What greater gift can a young person give their future spouse, than the gift of innocence?
