The influence that older children have on their siblings

Recently, I had cause to pause and consider both the good and bad influences that my eldest two sons have had on their younger brothers and sisters.

            I would not consider that Kristi and I have been completely successful at setting boundaries for our children, but we did pray long and hard on the subject and when they came along, we set down boundaries that mirrored our convictions.  Of course, some of the rules set early on, were adjusted or abandoned over time, becoming prime examples of what not to do in raising children.  As we are seeing our youngest child growing up and learning from his mistakes, the boundaries we set years ago are still relevant and working successfully.

            Our two oldest boys, Braden and Brooklin, for the most part adhered to our wishes over the years.  Kristi and I both know we are blessed beyond measure with most of the choices they have made.  But, they both chose to break one of our rules over what kinds of books or movies they could read or watch.  We had laid down guidelines years ago, that we would not allow our children to see movies that portrayed witchcraft in a good light.  Gray areas that we had to consider where movies such as the Wizard of Oz and Lord of the Rings; which we allowed because these told classic stories about good and evil and did not teach the details of witchcraft.  Then a movie and book series came along that taught witchcraft and surprisingly, it was accepted by most of our Christian friends.  We had to re-evaluate this rule and our decision was not suppose to be a difficult one to make (because it violated all of the criteria that we had discussed years ago).  But, now it was tough.  It became a difficult decision to make, because most of the families we looked up to in regards to how they raised their kids, were reading and watching this series.  The set in stone rule finally won the day, so we reminded the older boys that the Harry Potter books and movies were off limits. 

Both Braden and Brooklin proceeded to break the rule.  At the time, they both thought the ban on Harry Potter was silly and Brooklin even was incredulous that we would not allow him to read the first book.  Equipped with fresh debate skills (Thank you Mock Trial), he presented his argument, “Why not?  All the parents of my friends allowed them to read Harry Potter!”  When we discovered that the boys had disobeyed us, there were consequences given out and lessons learned thru tough love, but the deed was done. 

We thought the issue was resolved and the younger kids all understood the rule, so we put it to rest for a couple years.  We learned recently, that our two daughters just down loaded the first and second Harry Potter movies and a couple of the books, because they justified that it would be ok to do so, “because Braden and Brooklin watched and read them.” Consequences have been given out, and our daughters are experiencing tough love.

The point that I am trying to make, is not that all parents should ban Harry Potter from their children, but that the boundaries you set for your children need to be consistent and derived from your God given convictions.  They need to be set in stone; so much so that time and life’s weather will not erode them.  And finally, that when older children make poor choices, be vigilant to ensure that the younger siblings don’t go down the same path.  As parents we tend to believe that when one child disobeys us, the others will see how foolish it was and learn from their siblings’ mistakes.  In hindsight, I would use the analogy that when one child chooses to mess with a black hole, his siblings are more inclined to take a peek and be drawn into it, too. 

As always, we pray for our children every day.  That they will be wise and not make decisions based on what other people do, but make them based on scripture and prayer.